My life is upside down God. The order of the world is out of place and I can’t do anything to right it again. Oh Lord you know the pain in my heart at all times and only you know why my child has died. How can it be that he is gone? The child I cared for with such concern in every illness, the one I held close to my heart and promised to take care of for a lifetime is not here for me to care for anymore. It hurts deeply that I wasn’t able to protect this child I loved with my whole being from a death that seems so unfair.
Let me feel calm. Let me breathe deeply. Be with me in this kind of deep and transformative pain. I now carry this darkness with me on my back and in my heart always. It is my burden and my companion.
Lord there is not a single minute of my life when this loss is not etched so keenly into my brain and heart, whether it is in the middle of a busy day or in those choking moments of grief in the solitary dark of night. Let me be grateful for every minute we had together. Let me treasure those memories and find joy in them.
Teach me Lord. Tell me what you want me to do with this. What am I supposed to learn from this kind of pain? What are you calling me to do?
Open my battered heart and lead me to comfort and peace. Only you can give me the peace I need. Let me feel your presence in my life.
